How do you treat others?

Do to others as you wish others do to you.

Are you a living stream or a volcano?
ก่อนที่อยากให้คนอื่นทำดี พูดเพราะๆ กับเรา
ควรหันมาสำรวจตนเองก่อนว่า
เราแคร์ความรู้สึกคนอื่นมากพอหรือยัง…

หรือคาดหวังว่าคนอื่นจะรับได้กับระเบิดอารมณ์ของเรา
ที่พร้อมจะประทุตลอดเวลา?

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One Response to How do you treat others?

  1. lakatphuket says:

    To respond to an angry person with more anger is both foolish and potentially deadly. Angry people have been known to cause serious harm to others, even death. So what, then, is the antidote to anger? There are four key strategies to consider when trying to calm someone down. They are understanding, boundaries, compassion, and forgiveness.

    First, let us look at understanding. It is important to understand that we are all human and that sometimes we act out in an inappropriate manner. Behavior is merely an expression of what is going on inside. It is not a reflection of who a person is (his intrinsic value as a human being). Sometimes our emotions get the better (or should I say the worst) of us. Few people are trained to be fully attuned to their innermost selves, and most likewise have not learned appropriate methods of expressing anger. Also, I would like you to understand that underneath all anger lies either hurt, fear, or frustration. Knowing this, instead of dealing with the individual’s anger, assist him in identifying the underlying, or “root,” emotion. (“You sound really frustrated. What’s going on?” or “I know you’ve had a lot on your mind lately. Are you worried about your family?” Worry is a form of fear.)

    All human beings crave to be understood. Understanding validates, comforts, and connects: “I can now be more understanding of human imperfections because I recognize that I posses them as well.”

    Second is boundaries. These are critical guidelines (rules and regulations) that we set in all relationships to establish fairness, safety, and mutual respect. Every individual has a right and a responsibility to determine how she wants to be treated as well as what is not acceptable or permissible to her. Boundaries are most effective when established early in the relationship. If someone attacks you verbally, you may firmly (yet politely) inform him that before you can continue, he must calm down. Explain that you are willing to hear what he has to say but only under those conditions. (“I don’t work well when I feel like I’m being attacked. If you can calm down, I’d be more than happy to listen to you.”) If the person is unwilling or unable to accommodate your request, another rule might be that you will excuse yourself and return when the person has regained composure.

    Third is compassion. This word is defined by Webster’s as “a sympathetic consciousness of another’s distress together with a desire to alleviate it.” This concept, sadly, is foreign to so many people today. When I can connect with another’s pain and suffering, it brings our relationship to a much deeper level of understanding. My genuine concern for my fellow human being translates into a compassionate and heartfelt response. (“I’m so sorry that things are not going well for you. Is there anything I can do to help?”) I can tell you what I know for sure: Kindness and compassion are key ingredients for successful relationships on every level. Try adding compassion to your list of skills in dealing with an angry person, and watch what happens. It is almost magic!

    And finally, forgiveness. When someone offends me with her behavior or words, it often leaves in my heart and mind a residue of hurt and anger. Forgiveness cleanses that residue. It does not lessen or eradicate the offense. It simply means that (once again) I understand human weakness and imperfection, and I choose to no longer be angry about what has happened in the past. It frees me from resentment, grudges, and thoughts of retaliation. It restores my sense of inner peace and tranquility. It heals the hurt and allows for a healthier relationship with my (now) ally. We all need to forgive, just as we all need to be forgiven (for the times we have acted badly toward others).

    I am intelligent enough to know that you never pour gasoline on a fire. It only makes it burn longer and hotter. To safely extinguish a fire and prevent further damage, you apply the opposite: water, dirt, or baking soda. I now know that you never respond to anger with more anger. It only causes the situation to escalate and could have deadly consequences. To safely soothe out-of-control anger, you respond with the opposite: understanding, boundaries, compassion, and forgiveness.

    ** This article is one of 101 great articles that were published in 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. To get complete details on “101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life”, visit http://www.selfgrowth.com/greatways3.html

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