Steps to Staying Calm
The first step to defusing that upsurge of angry energy is to realize that it is possible to be provoked into an argumentative situation at any given moment. Defiant, argumentative people do not really want to hear, listen or receive what you have to say. They are poised and ready to spring into defiance and disagreeableness. They are set to discount any, if not all, of your perceptions, thoughts or feelings. They are rejectors and life with them is usually punctuated with unpleasantness, fights and yes, even violence. These are the people that you just want to punch and throw through a wall. Real closeness and intimacy with them is virtually next to impossible.
The second step, if possible, is to avoid deep intimate relationships with such people. They will only cause you grief. Their attacks on your character will bring out sides of yourself that you will not like. It is best to form close relationships only with those people who do not trigger your intense, negative reactions. There are so many wonderful, agreeable, positive people in this world with whom you can get along. So why struggle! You have a right to receive as much happiness, joy and pleasure as you can stand. Remember, entering into relationships with provocative people will only make you unhappy and could injure your self-esteem. Put downs are not a positive experience, so avoid vexatious people. Learn how to control your angry/anxious reactions when in the company of such individuals. Your first response to such negative interactions may be to raise your voice. If this happens, it is an indication that you have a need that is not being met.